The Underwear Story

She had never been so glad to see the sight of clean underwear…well, except for that one time – but she had banished that memory long ago.

These were not her favorite pair – they tended to ride up a little and it wasn’t always an opportune moment to yank them out of her crotch, – but clean was good, VERY good.

At least underwear wedgies weren’t as public as the dress wedgies she’d had for three days now while the laundry pile leered at her, grumpy with neglect, gloating as her butt cheeks swallowed folds of fabric for all the world to see.

And, speaking of yanking and crotches – what was up with those shorts riding DOWN?

Maybe it was related to all that jumping around she’d been doing, celebrating her new blog.

Or maybe, just maybe (fingers crossed), she was actually shrinking from her early morning workouts!

Or, even MORE likely, she was finally shedding all that water weight that gathered upon her like a wet snow on trees around the time of her period, dragging and sagging.

In any case, here she was finally wearing clean underwear and giving a peek to the neighbors, as she bends over in the grass, looking for the key she dropped while walking the dog.

Distracted by feeling self-congratulatory that her stretching routine meant she could now actually see her own underwear when bending over, she almost dragged her hand through the deposit her dog had left earlier (and that she should have cleaned up, yes, yes – it served her right to be the one nearly paying the consequences).

A sharp pang of guilt over leaving the dog doo took her breath away, triggering her other major guilt complex – sex – and she began to wonder just how much her neighbors could see, and what they might be thinking of her.

Or come to think of it, not just how much they could see, but how much they could hear; since the weather had finally cooled down, she’d been leaving the windows open at night.

Oh no…she had enjoyed her vibrator so much last night…the windows…she hadn’t even thought…suddenly the guilt chorus was joined by a brass band, a line of dancing girls, and a complimentary set of Chippendales.